Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Stumping - the poor man's run out

Let's get something straight - stumping is not illegal. But it is immoral.

When the noble batsman strides down the wicket, its for one reason only: To rock our socks off. Seeing a batsman say, "Hey, you. You, bowler. You've run at me all day and I've taken it like a man. But now, you cowardly fiend, now I'm going to run at you," is surely one of the most electrifying things that can happen on a cricket field...that don't include actual electricity.

How do we repay the batsman for this unrivaled entertainment? We send him packing, if he has the audacity to miss the ball. Even if the delivery is wide, we'll still send him on his way. Two wrongs don't make a right, Mr and Mrs ICC.

Most vile of all is that people love it. Everyone loses their shit the moment a keeper knocks off the bails. Way to go, hero, you've just gone through the exact same motion you would have done if he had left the ball go through outside off stump. Wow, what a great accomplishment. The batsman was probably only out of his crease by a toenail, you damn unforgiving bastard.

He wasn't going anywhere, you creep. He just wanted to bring a bit of electricity to our otherwise dreary lives.

Keeper, I hope you die. I hope you stump the wickets so hard the bail flies up and crushes your jugular. I hope you fall to the ground gasping for air and the last thing you see, before going to Hell, is a big "NOT OUT" emblazoned on the scoreboard.


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