Friday, July 31, 2009

It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing


Anderson is currently swinging the ball nicely. Onions is currently swinging the ball to such a degree that I'm pretty sure physicists are tearing up their calculations and having to start from scratch.

I haven't seen balls swing that much since my last swingers party.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Gaunteng declare war on cricket


Cricket South Africa to be boringly accurate. This story has been boiling since the IPL but its in the last few weeks that things have really ramped up, to the point where a knife fight seems imminent.

I started to type out a summary of the situation, for those who don't know the facts, but its just so god damn boring. So, if you want the facts, go google it. If you don't care about the facts, here's a spiced up summary of what has gone on.

Cricket South Africa: The IPL is coming. We're going to be rich!
CSA members: Yay. We like money!
Gauteng Cricket Board: We will take the money but we're not happy. Change is bad!
Modi: And so we now open the second annual IPL with an advert break.
Modi: And so we now conclude the second annual IPL with an advert break.
CSA members: Let's put all our money into a pool so we can swim in it. Why so grumpy, Gauteng?
Gauteng Cricket Board: That tournament was bullshit. Modi tried to take away our parking and suggested Shilpa Shetty take over the corporate hand job business. The IPL can go get bent.
Cricket South Africa: Oh no, you didn't! Shilpa gives a fantastic handjob. You have crossed the line. Apologize or feel our wrath.
Gauteng Cricket Board: Blow us.
Cricket South Africa: That's it, no more international cricket for The Wanderers until you say sorry.
Gauteng Cricket Board: Sorry...that you have to blow us.
Cricket South Africa: You just lost yourself a test, ODI and T20 game against England. How does that feel?
Gauteng Cricket Board: Almost as good as you blowing us.
Cricket South Africa: This is getting us nowhere. How about we get a mediator to come in? Someone from the government who can sit down with us and...
Gauteng Cricket Board: The mediator and the government can go right ahead and blow us.

And that's kind of where we are today. GCB is either being incredibly brave by refusing to look the other way until its grievances have been addressed...or they are being arrogant whiny children.

Now, knowing CSA, GCB probably do have a genuine complaint. But what's the exit strategy here? Sure, The Wanderers is a great ground...but CSA can live without matches there. Can GCB live without international games? Considering the local attendances in recent years, I'm not sure they could.

Come on CSA, just get on your knees and be done with it.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

My 3rd Test Aussie XI


England look as though Bell will be their only change, provided Fred can pull himself together. I'm actually a big Iain Bell fan...probably his only fan really, so I'm happy about that move. He seems to usually do well when I watch him and since I intend to watch the 3rd test, I'd put some money on him getting decent runs.

The Aussie team is a bit more complicated. Clark is banging on the door but nobody is exactly forthcoming in going to open it for him. Haurtiz is surely a lock. Hilfenyorke has definitely done enough. Siddle has looked dangerous but has, I think, picked up the least wickets. And MJ has been all over the place but a) is previously their star performer, b) can bat and c) has still has 8 wickets.

In all honesty, I think I'd leave Clark out for now. But its a tough one.

Far easier is bringing Watson in. For who? North. Or Hussey. Or Ponting. It doesn't really matter because Watson is my favourite Aussie cricketer so whoever he comes in for, he'll be great and we'll all bask in the glory of his greatness.

So...uh...Watson in for North would be the short answer.

Friday, July 24, 2009

4th innings hoodoo broken?


With Sri Lanka holding on for a draw, in the final test with Pakistan, with an impressive 391/4 I can't help but wonder if really big 4th innings scores are here to stay. I don't have the time to do it now (ie. please let someone else do it for me) but I'd love to see the highest 4th innings totals of the last year compared to preceding years.

Last week Australia got 406 against England, even with 3 shocking decisions decimated their top order. While in the recent home and away series between SA and Aus, SA had a 4th innings total over 400 in Perth and Aus got past 400 in Cape Town...although that was the 3rd innings of the game, but effectively the last. SA also managed 393/3 when following on in the drawn test at Lords last year.

It seems like just yesterday that chasing even 300 in the last days of a Test was a bridge too far. Am I just imagining this or do teams need to be extra careful when declaring these days?

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

KP out of series - NOOOOO


Really sad news. Where are we going to get our comedy from now? His technique has been so shocking of late that his dismissals are like watching blind cricket.



Of course, no offense to the blind cricketers out there, you guys have a good excuse for that shoddy technique. Please don't send me any angry emails...oh wait...nevermind.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

We Bring You Groundbreaking Technology!


Sean has informed us that he wasn't able to post comments on any of our posts. There is a reason for this.

The Commentary Position (COMPOST) is pleased to announce that we have invented Filtering Uninteresting Contributions Unreservedly Technology (or FUC-U Tech). This intelligent program is designed to filter out occasions of:

*Comments which are abusive and,
*Comments which make the contributor appear more insightful than the authors
*Girls

FUC-U Tech is the wave of the future and we have rolled it out on our humble website.

Actually, we don't know what's wrong with the comments section. If you know blogger.com then let us know.

Failing which, FUC-U.

Monday, July 20, 2009

The people have been silenced


It has come to my attention that people are having problems leaving comments. I have had no such problems, but then again I am pretty amazing at everything I attempt in life.

If you're amongst those in the dark, please mail us on commentaryposition at gmail dot com and let us know exactly what happens...or doesn't happen.

This "design" is a bit of a pain in the ass. It was either go with the standard blogger template, which looks like ass and requires tons of work to bring up to scratch, or go with an already made one that we like. We liked this one. The problem is now that it doesn't play nice when you actually try and change or modify anything.

For instance, I wanted longer posts to require a jump to read the rest. I found the solution online and jumped into the code to make the changes, but NOTHING that the solution spoke about was in my damn code so I couldn't do anything.

Maybe someone out there is adept in blogger designing and wouldn't mind making a few tweaks to the design? There's a free bottle of Jacques Kallis' Sanex in it for you.

The 7 important questions to come from Lords


1 - Can the Aussies bounce back from such an impressive thumping? I would guess yes, but I never would have guessed England would outplay them to this extent.

2 - Would Australia have won if it wasn't for 3 very poor decisions at the top of their second innings?

3 - Why aren't they using referrals for this series? Ridiculous.

4 - Should Flintoff reconsider his decision to retire? I'm not even English but even I got pretty pissed off seeing him puff out his chest after every wicket, knowing that he's turned his back on Test cricket.

5 - Has Phil Hughes' poor technique finally caught up with him?

6 - Will Brett Lee come back into the side and for whom?



7 - Whose hand is that?

Sunday, July 19, 2009

New Titans coach is fruity


What do the new Titans coach, Chris van Noordwyk, and a pineapple have in common?



If your answer was "small pricks", shame on you.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Fuck America, Team Yeah!


I was writing a comment for Roscoe's previous update, about taking the T20 stateside, but it was getting a bit long so I thought I might as well give it the full update treatment.

The short version.

How often have you watched an IPL match and thought "wow, if only this was America."

Never.

The long version.

First the positives. I do admit, I get a kick out of a hearing from someone who didn't like cricket (or perhaps even didn't know the sport) but who now finds himself using stat guru to compare Rahul Dravid and Jacques Kallis' first innings averages when playing away from home. So I'm all for new cricket fans.

Also, I'll concede to the vague notion that America getting excited about the sport would lead to some nifty technological advances in the coverage of the game...although I'm not really sure what they would be.

I'm sure there are other positives but I'll be damned if I can think of any right now, so let's sashay over to the negatives.

Roscoe wrote a great piece about some of the more galling aspects of the IPL. Well, those aspects are largely inspired by American sports.

Did anyone other than Lasif like the strategy timeout? Well, tune in to any American sport and chances are you're just as likely to be greeted by a grinning panda bear juggling cans of Pepsi than any actual sport.

I'm not sure why but all American sports seem as if they were designed with advertising breaks in mind. So we can look forward to half a dozen strategy timeouts instead of just the one. They're also big on branding so if you hate the "DLF Maximum!", you ain't seen nuthin' yet.

But all that is under the assumption that the league would take off and be a success. However, Americans hate shit that isn't American. Soccer/football is the most popular and accessible sport in the world and even that hasn't truly broken through. You'd have to live with poor attendances and coverage for at least a decade before any kind of notable penetration begins, and that's probably a best case scenario.

Finally, a few days ago Flintoff retired from Test cricket because his body can't hack the work load. We hear that excuse more and more and not just from players but fans also feel the fatigue.

Baseball is the closest equivalent to cricket. In America each team plays a minimum of 162 games a season over the course of 6 months. Suddenly the IPL doesn't seem quite so bloated, does it?

That said, if there's a chance that Americans will take to the game its worth pursuing just so we might one day get a cricket computer game that doesn't completely blow.

T20 Cricket In America: A Match Made In Heaven


Americans do many things badly, like international relations, healthy diet and banking to name a few.

But the two things they undeniably have hooked up is television and sports. How often have you watched an IPL match and thought "wow, if only this was America."

Americans would bring lots of money to the sport. If they get behind cricket, we'll have all sorts of new-fangled, star spangled innovation in cricket coverage. Remember how excited you were the first time you saw Hotspot, or Hawkeye? Just watch a baseball match and try to imagine some of that innovation in cricket coverage.

The weakness in the proposal is that they want to launch another competition. There are only so many top class international players in the world. It would be utter madness if the marquee signings of the Denver Hotdogs and the Orlando Oprahs were Gulam Bodi and Napoleon Einstein respectively.

Scheduling would also be a headache. There's way too much cricket at the moment. The best way to solve this problem is for the IPL to be "internationalised" and played one year in India and one year in the States.

Unfortunately, the self serving fucks at the BCCI and Lalit Modi would never let this happen.

Twenty20 cricket is the gateway drug to glorious, beautiful test match addiction. Twenty20 cricket in America could pull a massive viewership. Some of those viewers will become fans of ODI's, and some of those fans will become connoiseurs of test match cricket.

After all, we all start by listening to Green Day, go through a Linkin' Park phase and then we graduate to proper music, like Radiohead.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Freddie to retire


Freddie Flintoff has announced his retirement from Test cricket, with this Ashes series to be his swan song.

He will, of course, continue with the more forgiving and better paying shorter forms of the game. I wonder if this is something we might start to see more and more. Players reckoning Test cricket is too much effort and instead focusing on the short stuff. It seems like just yesterday when players were doing the exact opposite.

Like Vaughan, I think Fred was a good cricketer but bar a few short periods of his career, never reached greatness. Its a shame because he certainly had the ability to be the best all rounder in the world.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Pakistan We All Know And Love...


Pakistan are well and truly back

They weren't back when they won the international T20. It couldn't be them because they had mental strength, application and team unity.

Pakistan's epic collapse has now properly signalled their return to international cricket. And oh how we missed them!

The cricket world was a much poorer place for want of a team who could so effortlessly move between crap and class on a day-to-day basis. We missed the collection of player who could touch the divine in the morning session, and fall to pieces in the second session.

There is no middle ground with Pakistan. They are either in the palace or the pits.

For a little while they were in danger of becoming a consistently good cricket team. The last thing the world needs is another consistently good team.

No, no, no. I like my whimsical Pakistan. All is right with the world.

Waqar Younis looks like he's about to cry.

Bangladesh "make history"


If making history entails beating the second string XI of a second tier test playing nation, then Bangladesh have made history.

The Tigers have been the whipping boys of world cricket now that Zimbabwe have voluntarily removed themselves from the equation. Their only other test win came at home against Zim.

The argument that “you can only play whoever is put up against you” is true as ever in this case, but there's a feeling of dissatisfaction at the result. Test victories should be earned. It should be 5 days of hard slog against the best of the best of one particular cricketing nation. The current clusterfuck that is the administration of West Indies cricket, hot on the heels of “Stanford-gate” has made Carribbean cricket an international joke.

Bangladesh did what was expected of them by beating a team of anonymous B-grade cricketers. Did they do a professional job? Yes. Did they make history? Fuck no.

Hopefully this embarrassing defeat will galvanize the West Indies' administrators, players and third parties into action and a full strength West Indies team will take the field in the next test. If this is the case, then Bangladesh must drink in this poor imitation of a test victory, because it's going to be a very long time until they are rewarded with the bona-fide article.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Bore draw



Non cricket fans will never understand how you can be entertained by two teams playing for five days and ending up with a draw. Well, I think if a few of them were at Cardiff today (although why a non cricket fan would be at a game of cricket, we can only wonder), they'd now be singing a different tune.

So who comes out of this better? Australia, knowing they beat England up for 80% of the test match. Or England, who found some kind of fight and who can now say that even when hopelessly outplayed, they might not lose.

I'd say South Africa, who know they would have kicked both teams asses. Simultaneously!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Predictions in full


In case visitors are curious as to what everyone predicted (because lets face it, we cricket fans are an anorak wearing bunch), this update will make it all clear.

Roscoe and my predictions were over here.
Those from Well Pitched are over here.

Below we have the predictions from Jrod's Cricket With Balls


Most Runs Overall - Simon Katich, he will dig himself in like the tick he is.
Most Runs England - Andrew Strauss, he will make runs the correct and proper way
Most Runs Australia - Phil Hughes, I figure if I spread my bets I have more chance of winning.
Most Wickets Overall - Mitchell Johnson, you can’t beat the tongue ring
Most Wickets England - Graeme Swann, that magnificent chin.
Most Wickets Australia - Peter Siddle, why not
Best Tosser (captain who wins the most tosses) - Ricky Ponting
Man of the Series - Mitchell Johnson

1st Test Result - Draw
2nd Test Result - Australia
3rd Test Result - England
4th Test Result - Australia
5th Test Result - draw
Overall series result - 2-1 australia

Number of Tests that lose overs to rain (note, not bad light) - Three
Number of Tests that Flintoff will be able to manage - Three
Number of Tests won by an innings - None
Number of Tests played by McDonald - None
Number of Tests played by Lee - None


Next up is Brian from Different Shades Of Green.

Most Runs Overall (Pietersen)
Most Runs England (Pietersen)
Most Runs Australia (Katich)
Most Wickets Overall (Anderson)
Most Wickets England (Anderson)
Most Wickets Australia (Johnson)
Best Tosser (Strauss) Man of the Series (Anderson)
1st Test Result (Draw)
2nd Test Result (Draw)
3rd Test Result (Australia Win)
4th Test Result (Draw)
5th Test Result (England Win)
Overall series result (1-1)

Number of Tests that lose overs to rain (note, not bad light) (4)
Number of Tests that Flintoff will be able to manage (5)
Number of Tests won by an innings (0)
Number of Tests played by McDonald (0)
Number of Tests played by Lee (3)


The guesstimating concludes with predictions from Damith, creator of The Fly Slip.

Most Runs Overall - ricky ponting
Most Runs England - ravi bopara
Most Runs Australia - ponting
Most Wickets Overall - mitchel johnson
Most Wickets England - anderson
Most Wickets Australia - johnson
Best Tosser (captain who wins the most tosses) - strauss
Man of the Series - johnson

1st Test Result - draw
2nd Test Result - australia
3rd Test Result - england
4th Test Result - england
5th Test Result - draw
Overall series result - 2-1 australia

Number of Tests that lose overs to rain (note, not bad light) - 2
Number of Tests that Flintoff will be able to manage - 4
Number of Tests won by an innings - 1
Number of Tests played by McDonald - 1
Number of Tests played by Lee - 2


Last and decidedly least, skroegerj and Krish left their predictions over here.

England with the upper hand


Australia have just declared (also known as throwing in the towel) and England will be thrilled with the situation they find themselves in. The Aussies, having gorged themselves on runs, will now be slow and lazy in the field. While the English, who wisely saved energy by not taking too many wickets (the walk to the huddle really takes it out of you), will be perfectly primed for some all action batting.

Friday, July 10, 2009

You're Only Singing When You're Winning, You're Only Winning When It's Swinging


Jimmy Anderson is an excellent swing bowler. Stuart Broad is a good swing bowler. The difficulty is that new ball swing only lasts for 10 - 15 overs tops. Reverse swing, when it happens, comes into effect when the ball is 65 - 70 overs old.

This means that on a good bowling day, batsmen only need to be watchful for 30 overs in total. The other 60 overs of the days play is like a bonus stage on Mario Brothers, with runs on offer instead of gold coins.

Class batsmen are capable of surviving the danger periods of a test match. Even tail enders are looking pretty handy with the willow these days.

Surfaces are also becoming browner, flatter and more even. When was the last time you remember a pitch report on day one with your local pundit tossing around phrases like "green mamba" and advising the side winning the toss to bowl first?

Now we could make this post all about broadcasters, advertising revenue etc, but we'd rather come back to the Ashes.

When Jimmy Anderson swung it he looked class. 20 overs later, he looked less class because the ball was slightly older. The same goes for Mitchell Johnson.

The rapidly spreading epidemic of batter friendly feather beds being passed as cricket pitches his puts 2 things into perspective:

1. How good was that Siddle inswinger to clean bowl Matt Prior with an older ball?
2. In a world of inflated averages and easier batting conditions, how crap is Mike "Mr Can't Play Cricket Very Well" Hussey?

Ben Hilfenhaus = Thom Yorke




I googled those two names, expecting to find thousands of pages on the startling similarities between the two guys. But I found nothing. Not a thesis. Not a news article. Not even a blog post.

Well to hell with that! I'll gladly throw the first stone.

Thom Yorke - a few years - a few odd angles = Ben Hilfenhaus

If you don't know who Thom Yorke is, shame on you. If you don't know who Ben Hilfenhaus is...that's fair enough.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Prediction competitors


As the Aussies build up a solid foundation in their first innings, I thought I should mention the blogs that were brave enough to want to pad up against Roscoe and Darren.

Well Pitched
The Fly Slip
Cricket With Balls
Different Shades Of Green

The last two blogs start on -1, due to being a bit late on entering. It's my fault though. I should have done this last week instead of the eve of the bloody series.

I'll post their individual predictions in the coming days, and I'd like to invite non blog authors to leave their own predictions in the comments section. At a -1 penalty of course :-)

Brief day 1 thoughts


- I would rather be England at this stage. If they can squeeze out another 50 runs then they're in the pole position.

- Its already turning on day 1. Australia were dire against South Africa's spinners and will need to up that side of their game to get out of this test with anything.

- I thought Hashim Amla was probably the number 3 batsman to most struggle with the short ball...until I saw Bopara. Wow, he looked like he had never received a bounce above waist height in his life.

- KP's dismissal was probably one of the worst test match shots I've ever seen. I'd feel embarrassed playing that in my backyard.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Hawkeye is class



After watching Sean William Scott's epic Wimbledon final against Roger Federer on Sunday, it was well worth a pause for thought to consider how well the sport of Tennis has embraced hawkeye. It doesn't take that long to make the correct calls and it engages the audience, both at the venue and on television.

The old argument from commentators is that Hawkeye isn't 100% accurate. That may be the case, but it's a fuckload more accurate than the human eye.

The ICC have been wanking about with the rules for Hawkeye and how it can be implemented. So far they've allowed the technology to determine whether the ball has pitched outside leg stump and / or hit the batsman in line.

You don't need anything other than a slow-mo replay to tell that. 

When it comes to referrals, we think that the full potential of Hawkeye should be used, even if it shows that the ball is projected to only clip the left bollock of the off-bail. You're out.

Take a tip from tennis.

Ashes predictions




We invited a number of other cricket blogs to participate, however we only got to sending out the emails on Monday night (we need an intern or something), so we haven't had many responses. I'll give it a few more hours, to see if there are any late comers, before mentioning the other blogs and their predictions.

But for now, here's what I think:

THE FORMALITIES

Most Runs Overall - Katich (15pts)
Most Runs England - Strauss (10)
Most Runs Australia - Katich (10)
Most Wickets Overall - Johnson (15)
Most Wickets England - Anderson (10)
Most Wickets Australia - Johnson (10)
Best Tosser (captain who wins the most tosses) - Ponting (5)
Man of the Series - Johnson (10)
1st Test Result - Eng win (10)
2nd Test Result - Aus win (10)
3rd Test Result - Aus win (10)
4th Test Result - Aus win (10)
5th Test Result - Eng win (10)
Overall series result - 2-3 (15)

THE TRIVIALITIES

Number of Tests that lose overs to rain (note, not bad light) - 2 (5)
Number of Tests that Flintoff will be able to manage - 5 (5)
Number of Tests won by an innings - 1 (5)
Number of Tests played by McDonald - 0 (5)
Number of Tests played by Lee - 3 (5)


And here's what Roscoe thinks:

THE FORMALITIES

Most Runs Overall - Michael Clarke
Most Runs England - Kevin Pietersen
Most Runs Australia - Michael Clarke
Most Wickets Overall - Mitchell Johnson
Most Wickets England - Onions
Most Wickets Australia - Mitchell Johnson
Best Tosser (captain who wins the most tosses) - Punter
Man of the Series - Mitchell Johnson
1st Test Result - Draw
2nd Test Result - Aus win
3rd Test Result - Aus win
4th Test Result - Aus win
5th Test Result - Aus win
Overall series result - Australia 4 - 0

THE TRIVIALITIES

Number of Tests that lose overs to rain (note, not bad light) - 1
Number of Tests that Flintoff will be able to manage - 4
Number of Tests won by an innings - 3
Number of Tests played by McDonald - 1
Number of Tests played by Lee - 3

The Ashes


Tomorrow kicks off The Ashes. I've got to admit, a week ago I thought the Ashes was a backyard cricket tournament sponsored by Mohammad Ashraful. But, I've been reliably informed that, in actual fact, The Ashes is a pretty important series between England and Australia. This time around Australia are in the worst shape that they've been in since David Boon was turning 3's into quick singles. And England...well they're still pretty awful.

So, one has to ask, are these new ashes created by burning a wooden spoon?

Whatever your stance on the strength of both nations, its always great to see them going toe to toe. Yesterday's amazing collapse by Pakistan, at the hands of Sri Lanka, has definitely whetted the appetite for some real cricket.

Tomorrow Roscoe and I will be posting some predictions, and then we'll be posting a months worth of excuses as to why we got things so very wrong.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Stumping - the poor man's run out


Let's get something straight - stumping is not illegal. But it is immoral.

When the noble batsman strides down the wicket, its for one reason only: To rock our socks off. Seeing a batsman say, "Hey, you. You, bowler. You've run at me all day and I've taken it like a man. But now, you cowardly fiend, now I'm going to run at you," is surely one of the most electrifying things that can happen on a cricket field...that don't include actual electricity.

How do we repay the batsman for this unrivaled entertainment? We send him packing, if he has the audacity to miss the ball. Even if the delivery is wide, we'll still send him on his way. Two wrongs don't make a right, Mr and Mrs ICC.

Most vile of all is that people love it. Everyone loses their shit the moment a keeper knocks off the bails. Way to go, hero, you've just gone through the exact same motion you would have done if he had left the ball go through outside off stump. Wow, what a great accomplishment. The batsman was probably only out of his crease by a toenail, you damn unforgiving bastard.

He wasn't going anywhere, you creep. He just wanted to bring a bit of electricity to our otherwise dreary lives.

Keeper, I hope you die. I hope you stump the wickets so hard the bail flies up and crushes your jugular. I hope you fall to the ground gasping for air and the last thing you see, before going to Hell, is a big "NOT OUT" emblazoned on the scoreboard.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Archie Vaughan gets surprise call up



By now we've all heard the story of Michael Vaughan's three year old son, Archie, who was the last of many to knock over his dad's off stump. Well, the story doesn't end with Michael's retirement. In fact, it's just beginning.

Below is an excerpt from England selector Geoff Miller's startling press release:

Earlier today, after much discussion with the other selectors, who have come to the decision to call up Archie Vaughan, into the test squad for the forthcoming Ashes. It is true that Archie is a bit wet behind the ears, and it is also true that none of us have seen him bowl. But I am I strong believer in the saying, "where there is smoke there is fire".

In light of Michael's comments about his sons bowling prowess, we're willing to take a gamble on the kid. Granted, when we called up that Australian roofer last year it went a little tits up, but Archie is a completely different slice of toast. He comes from good stock and I'm sure he'll prove his worth before the series concludes.

When asked if Archie's age is of any concern, Miller added:

If you're good enough, you're old enough. We're just lucky that Archie hasn't started to attend school yet. Why? Because then we'd have a scheduling conflict to deal with. Sorry, but that was a stupid question.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

And the groundsman of the year is...



Yup, Cricket South Africa brought a bit of glitz and glamour to our beloved sport last night, in the form of their annual awards.

They actually do give out an award to best groundsman, as well as best umpire and best scorers association. How do you even get to be best scorer? Or more to the point, how many mistakes is the worst scorer's association making?

Another "huh?" award is the KFC Taste The Action Performance of the year. I would have thought Smith would be a shoo-in for any award named after a fast food, but JP Duminy bagged that particular "honour". No matter how great the performance, I'm not entirely sure I would ever want to be able to taste it.

Smith did however manage to grab the fittingly big awards - Cricketer Of The Year and Test Cricket Of The Year. I still would have gone with AB for the former, but I have no major complaints.

AB managed to grab ODI Player Of The Year and the Fans' Player Of The Year.

Duminy got T20 Player Of The Year and Roelof landed Newcomer Of The Year.

Lastly, Justin Ontong received Justin Ontong's Player Of The Year.

Full list of winners here
 

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