Not so random thoughts on SA's exit

- Cricket South Africa punished the national team by moving all games away from The Wanderers. Is that the reason we lost? Absolutely not, but it didn't help.

- Combine that with only arranging one warm up game, against a poor West Indies side no less, CSA have to take a fair portion of any blame being thrown about.

- The runner for cramps argument has come up a lot. All I want is consistency. Either runners are always allowed or they are never allowed. Enough of this game by game whichever way the wind blows BS. If it stays as it is now, all Smith and other batsmen have learned is to LIE.

- Why do we always cramp? Smith, AB at the world cup, Gibbs on the sub continent a few years back. These are fit guys (well, Smith looks fit now). Sort it out.

- Albie Morkel is a batsman who can bowl a bit. He can be devastating at the death but given a chance, that could just be another bow in his quiver. Because right now that's all we use him for and its a waste. Unless he starts pulling his weight with the bat, he's a liability.

- Is our batting lineup too long? It's a funny thing to say but we've got these guys who CAN bat but hardly ever get the chance. So when they come out to bat the first thing they do is go to their bowling mark before sheepishly remembering what they're there to do.

- So maybe its time to throw in another bowler and let the likes of Roloef and Botha show what they can do.

- And don't be afraid to throw them up the order. Pinch hitters have gone out of fashion for some reason but our innings was crying out for some risk taking. A quick and funny looking 20 off 10 balls from Roloef might have done the trick.

- Stop chasing in pressure games (if we can help it). In normal conditions we are great chasers. In tournaments we mess it up time and time again. SA Cricket Blog

- Chins up boys, we've got a long season ahead.

Bowled from a wide

Now I've seen everything. In the last over of Pakistan's dismal innings against Australia, Misbah ul-Haq jumped back into his crease as the ball was delivered. The delivery was very wide down the off side and Misbah made no move to play at it. What he did instead was to take another step back...onto his stumps.

Wide. And Out.

You really do never know what you're going to see when you sit down to watch Pakistan play cricket.

Ouch

Why oh why can we not throw caution to the wind a bit earlier? Today I saw Sri Lanka facing a similar deficit and they took their power play after around 30 overs. They absolutely destroyed NZ in those 5 overs and brought themselves back into the game.

I don't think we should have taken in that early. I also realize that going for it too early can be just as much of a mistake. But we had so many wickets in hand. Why not have a little gamble (maybe Rolly in when Duminy went out), which would have made life easier if it paid off and wouldn't have done much damage if it had failed.

Collingwood: The undroppable man

Paul Collingwood's last 20 ODI scores:

34, 14, 14, 19, 2, 1, 22, 40, 69, 1, 6, 35*, 47*, 23, 9, 23, 56, 28, 13*, 46

Paul's greatest asset is to save his ass from the chop. Whenever the axe looms he seems to get a good score (seldom a "great" score, mind you) that makes everyone think "hmmm, maybe a spell of good form is just around the corner". Only it isn't. Just another run of crap scores until he needs to save his bacon once again.

To be fair, its more down to the lack of batting options than anything else. He's often made to look better but the even more abject failure of teammates. But how long is he going to continue to fly under the radar?

That said, his knock was really good tonight and I feel a spell of good form might just be around the corner for him.

Cat amongst the pigeons

Group B just got very interesting. Fair dues to England, conditions were in their favour early on and they took advantage in a big way. Sri Lanka were a fast bowler short and England batted with a surprising amount of, dare I say it, belief.

The group is now wide open but I still expect SA to do the business on Sunday. If we lose to England then we deserve to go out.

West Indies = strength in depth

47-7

They shouldn't be there with that team.

Robbed by the rain

God, how frustrating. We spend the whole game maneuvering Sri Lanka just where we want them, only for the rain to bring an early end to proceedings.

I'm only half joking. Yes, it was back to the walls time. Yes, Sri Lanka were favourites. But with Albie and Rolly at the wicket, Parnell still to come (everyone says he's a great batsman and maybe one of these days we'll actually be able to see him holding a bat) and the batting powerplay in hand...it wasn't totally lost. If it was a T20 game you'd say it was very gettable.

Still, got to give a lot of credit to Sri Lanka. Dilshan was incredible and Mendis is a bloody freak of nature.

Blogger predictions here

Right then, with the game about to start, let me mention the bloggers competing in our little Champs Trophy Prediction challenge.

We've got Ben from Crucket
Q from Well Pitched
Shaun from SA Cricket Blog
Brian from Different Shades Of Green
Alex from King Cricket
Krish from Kridaya Cricket Blog

All those predictions will be posted in the comments section of this update, including Roscoe's predictions. But here are mine.

Winner - Pakistan
Semi Finalists - SA, Pak, Aus, NZ

SA vs SL
PAK vs WI
SA vs NZ
ENG vs SL
AUS vs WI
IND vs PAK
NZ vs SL
SA vs ENG
AUS vs IND
ENG vs NZ
AUS vs PAK
IND vs WI

Top 3 batsmen (Kallis, Ponting, Dilshan)
Top 3 wicket takers (Lee, Mendis, Bond)
Best Economy (Botha)
Most keeper dismissals (Boucher)
Most sixes (Yuvraj)

Champs Trophy Predictions

I'm really looking forward to the Champs Trophy, which begins tomorrow. There's something about the lack of fat on the fixture list that I find very appealing. Less appealing is watching SA crash out at the semi final stage but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I've asked some cricket bloggers to have a crack at a little prediction tournament and if you want to join in, simply leave your answers in the comments section of this update. BEFORE the tournament starts.

Roscoe and my predictions, along with those of any other bloggers, will be posted tomorrow.

Competition Winner (26 pts)
Semi Finalists - (4 teams in no particular order for 10pts each)

Predict Group Match Results (2 pts for each correct result)

SA vs SL
PAK vs WI
SA vs NZ
ENG vs SL
AUS vs WI
IND vs PAK
NZ vs SL
SA vs ENG
AUS vs IND
ENG vs NZ
AUS vs PAK
IND vs WI

Top 3 Runs Scorers (In no particular order - 5pts for each batsman in top 3)
Top 3 Wicket Takers (In no particular order - 5 pts for each bowler in top 3)

Best Economy (10 pts if correct, 2 pts if bowler is only 2nd best)
Most keeper dismissals (10 pts if correct, 2 pts if keeper is only 2nd best)
Most Sixes (10 pts if correct, 2 pts if batsman is 2nd best)

Andrew Flintoff is...

...a slut. Seriously, let's not mince words here.

You try and go to your girlfriend and tell her, "Honey, you're great. Really top notch. And I too am a good boyfriend. Not all the time, let's be honest, but at least once or twice a year I really exceed your expectations. Enough so that you overlook the times I come home pissed and fall in the pool. It's been a great run and I'm not saying its over, don't think that, but I think its time that I get to put my penis into other women. I've earned it, don't you think? Don't worry, there's a good chance I'll be back for important days like your birthday. And Easter. How about it?"

It wouldn't go down well, would it?

Yet, I wouldn't be surprised if England, like a woman that has no self esteem and self worth, will accept whatever scraps they can get.

Personally, I think they should tell him to peddle on.

Unlikely solution for England

Turning on Sky News this morning I was amused by a video of a former Asda Store worker licking chickens and then returning them to the shelf. This wasn't altogether surprising as I assume that kind of thing goes on in most stores. But what did spark my interest was him and his mate playing cricket in one of the aisles.

Firstly, I've always wanted to do that so I'm well jealous. But more importantly, he connects with his shots pretty well. His technique isn't the best but he has enthusiasm and a good eye. England management should consider replacing Bopara with him in the next ODI. It's not like he could do much worse.

Warne vs Gibbs

When I heard there was a Herschelle Gibbs sex tape I was thrilled. For too long now, Shane Warne's sex tape has been the cricket sex tape to beat. But surely if anyone could take the number #1 spot it'd be SA's favourite bad boy, Gibbsy.

Warney had a threesome. Gibbsy had a foursome. So far so good. Only #4 of that little square was another dude (not even in teammate I might add). And it was in a strip club. And there was no sex. And you can barely make out Gibbs' egg like head from the high angle of the camera.

Most disappointing of all, Gibbs doesn't show off any of the risk taking, quick hands and excitement that he's known for on the field.

Nope, Warney has beaten us once again I'm afraid. Better luck next time, boys.

Champs Trophy buzz

With Australia pasting England and India winning their tri-nations tournament, both teams are right on the heels of SA in the ODI rankings. While I would obviously prefer SA to be streets ahead, I can't ignore the fact that it makes next weeks' Champions Trophy even more exciting.

Tomorrow I'll be doing a post about predictions as well as sending out emails to various cricketing bloggers.

Unless I forget.

I'm going to forget aren't I? Dammit!

SA Test Team - the tail

Ok, so let's wrap up this sucker.

Steyn is locked in.

Ntini is hanging on with his finger nails. He was okay in England. He was okay when Oz were over here. So he'll remain in the team. But time is running down on his career and I struggle to see him winning matches anymore.

Morne Morkel is, quite possibly, holding the short straw (which is doubly odd looking, given his height). After a very promising start to his test career, he bombed quite hard against Oz and was duly dropped from the final test. In ODI and T20 cricket, his position has been usurped by the ying to his yang, the ultra accurate Wayne Parnell.

I have a sneaky suspicion that Morne is going to have to work his way back into the test team. I know his brother Albie is effectively the man in possession, but he's never going to cut it as a first change test bowler. Wayne has shown great maturity and despite his age, I think we'll see him line up against England for his first cap. Apparently he can also bat, which might take some of the pressure off Boucher and Harris.

One things for sure, the future is looking damn bright. Parnell and Morkel are definitely the future of SA cricket, with Tsotsobe and CJ de Villiers not far behind.

Another possibility is the returning Ryan McLaren. He was called up last season but couldn't join the team because of his county commitments. But he's a free man now and his the ability, maturity and all round game to add something to Tests, ODI's and T20.

So, in conclusion, without a shadow of doubt, the team for the first test against England will be:

Smith
Prince
Amla
Kallis
AB
Duminy
Boucher
Parnell
Harris
Steyn
Ntini

If I was playing ICC cricket captain, my team would be:

Smith
Amla
Kallis
AB
Prince
Duminy
Boucher
Botha
Parnell
Steyn
Ntini

Commentators want to go home early

That can be the only reason for them, with England at 150/6 after 36 overs, wanting to take the batting power play now. For a bunch of ex professionals you'd think they'd at least have a rough understanding of how the game works.

Batsmen are cheats

Something has bothered me for a long while but it bubbled to the surface on Friday, during the first ODI. I think it was Lee who was bowling and he was given a no ball. They then went to a square on replay to show that, sure enough, Lee's foot was well over the line. But in that same shot you could see that the batsman at the non strikers end was a good two feet out of his crease.

This is, imo, unacceptable. Stumpings and run outs are measured in millimeters, yet the non striker can casually walk down the bloody pitch with no retribution beyond the once in a blue moon straight drive that clips a bowlers finger and hits the stumps.

When I was a kid my first ODI at Newlands* was SA against India. In that match Peter Kirsten was stealing ground in exactly the same way. Until Kapil Dev ran through and instead of delivering the ball, he took off the bails and appealed.

There was much consternation and Kapil came under a bit of fire for being unsporting. Unsporting my balls!

I implore some brave (and lets face it, dickish) bowler to do the same thing again. If its allowed in the rule book, with referrals today the batsman will have to walk. If its not in the rules, at least it'll get the batsman to play fair for a bit, and it might get people talking about what is rapidly becoming the most contentious issue in cricket sport the world today.


* I also remember Hansie hitting a 6 to win the game, which apparently broke somebodies nose in the crowd. I was a kid so I'm not too sure how much of this post is accurate and how much was made up in my head to make the game seem a bit more exciting.

SA Test Team - the spinner

Harris is a strange character. He's a guy that a lot of teams write off prior to a series at their own peril but by the time the series comes to an end they'll be forced to admit, "he's a little better than I thought".

His record for SA is can best be described as...okay. A few years back we were dying for an "okay" spinner who could hold up an end and chip in with the odd wicket. Harris definitely offers this to the team, but is that now enough?

We have Johan Botha and Roloef Vd Merwe kicking all kinds of ass in the shorter forms of the game. Both do a good job with the ball. They can bat. They are great in the field. They're also fierce competitors.

Harris can bowl. Full stop.

I think there must be some pressure on his position, particularly from Botha. We all know the tail is the teams one big weak point. Botha would definitely remedy that, but do I think they should make that switch now?

I'm not so sure. Not yet at least. Harris was fantastic in the home series against Australia and probably deserves to keep his place.

For now. *cue ominous music*

ENG VS AUS

Two rained out T20 games. The Aussie coach planning to go home with 3 games left in the ODI series. Ponting already at home. Denley gets injured playing football. No KP, Haddin and Freddie.

Is anyone still looking forward to this series? Roll on the champs trophy.

SA Test Team - positions 3 to 7

Last nights post about the opening positions also covers the rest of the batting line up. If Prince opens then the rest will remain the same with Amla, Kallis, AB and Duminy falling into line and making a damn formidable top 6. If Amla opens, which I can't see happening but secretly think wouldn't be a bad option, then everyone moves up with Prince slotting in at 5 or 6.

Which brings us to...

The Keeper

Boucher is a legend. He's been fantastic for the team and has dug us out of many a hole. But he's not getting any younger and these days his batting in tests flits between "just about acceptable" and "Mike Hussey bad". Every now and then he'll put together a gritty and important knock, but that would be followed by half a dozen scores of under 30.

When Polly was around there wasn't as much pressure on Boucher's batting, but with Harris or Morne coming in at 8, this is definitely a weak spot in the team.

But who would replace him? With AB saying that he doesn't want to keep, surely Boucher's long term successor must be Heino Kuhn. He averages over 40 in domestic cricket and is handy enough behind the stumps. At 25 he's got enough experience to start to make the step up and proved as much by being one of the best players in the Emerging Players tournament a month or two ago.

I'd like to see him slowly being brought into the fold with the view to take over at the start of the 2010/11 season in tests. I have a feeling that Bouch is pretty much undroppable though, and it will be on him to hand over the gloves.

Polly played on a bit too long in test cricket. Hopefully Bouch will take note and bow out at the top.

The 2009/10 SA test team - Openers

Today I found myself thinking about the upcoming SA-ENG tour and what, if any, changes there could be to the test squad. It's gonna be a bit too long for one update so each day I'll focus on a new position. Once finished, CSA can print out my posts and go ahead and announce the squad.

The Openers

Assuming he doesn't break a finger playing table tennis or something, Smith will be back in his familiar opening spot. But who will be his partner? Previously on Square Pegs and Round Holes - Neil Mckenzie was dropped for the final test against Australia, due to an extended run of low scores. In that final game the young up and comer Imraan Khan got a good looking 20, if there is such a thing as a good looking 20. He also destroyed everyone in the domestic leagues. His partner was Ashwell Prince, opening for the first time. Ash knocked up a fantastic 150 and his overall record for SA is fantastic.

Personally I think Prince will stay as Smith's partner for now. Mckenzie also wasn't a test opener...until he was. That little experiment proved to be a huge success, although it has now run its course. I can't help but think Amla might be a better long term prospect as an opener, but Prince deserves a chance to make the spot his own. He certainly has the right temperament for the job.

As for Neil, I just can't see him getting back into the team. Go hump your gorgeous wife, you've earned it.

As for young Imraan, I think they will try and make him the new Duminy, meaning he'll spend a lot of time in and around squads, but very little on the field of play. It certainly worked for JP.

45 over game under threat?

Earlier I saw this article on SuperCricket. Below is the main thrust.

The Board of Cricket South Africa has resolved to investigate innovative ways to improve the domestic limited overs product following concern from different quarters that the domestic 45-over game is in danger with the growth in popularity of the twenty-over format.

CSA, sorry but the horse has well and truly bolted. There are only two ways to make the 45 domestic format a draw again is to a) have all the big names show up, plus a few international stars or b) bring back the "come on, Summer!" B&H advert.

Bespectacled respect

Dan Vettori has now joined the 300 test wicket club - a club that has a slide made of candy cane and hookers with respectable names like Janet and Doris. Since Dan is as unassuming as it gets, I will simply say: "Well played."

If he put a bit more effort into his personality and off field antics I might have put a bit more effort into this post.

Probably not though.

Random Ashes musings

- "You can't keep Freddie out of the game" - Andrew Strauss. As the curtain draws closed on Freddie Flintoff's test career, I think the one thing you could definitely say is that all too often Fred was kept out of the game. We've all seen him perform heroics. The guy was more than capable with the bat and ball. But his statistics suggest a player who didn't turn up nearly often enough.

This series, as with so much of his career, he was seen as a talisman. With KP out, he was the teams star player. I know he was carrying an injury but a return of 8 wickets at an average of 52 and 200 runs at an average of 33 are not the numbers of greatness. His career bowling average of 33 and his batting average of 32 also tell the tale of a good all rounder, not a great one.

On the bright side, replacing Fred shouldn't be too hard. Broad is already almost as good and, at 24 years old, can only get better.

- Australia had 6 of the top 7 run scorers. They also had the top 3 wicket takers. Their problem was not good individual performances, it was in not delivering as a team when it mattered most. Australia is most known for its mental strength on the cricket field, so this will be most troubling of all.

- Australia will look forward to Windies and Pakistan touring Oz later this year. It's hard to see them not winning both series. With South Africa hosting England and then touring India, and Sri Lanka and India squaring off against each other...its not that big a stretch to imagine Australia back on top of the heap sooner rather than later.

- Didn't I tell you Shane Watson was a cricketing God?

And the winner is...

In reverse order of merit (which is also a fantastic sexual position, by the way)...

Damith from The Fly Slip

Damith got points from the Man of the Series, Best Tosser, 4th Test Result, Fred playing 4 games and there being one Innings Victory. He may have been last but he'd kick all our asses in Sri Lankan predictions.

25 pts


Brian from Different Shades Of Green

Brian was undone by Pieterson's injury but still managed points for 1st and 5th Test Results, Best Tosser, Rain and McDonald being overlooked. Brian also lost 1 pt for submitting his predictions a little late.

34 pts


Our very own Roscoe

Roscoe proved to have great foresight in predicting Pup's good form, but that was undone by his 4-0 Aussie win prediction. He also nabbed points for the 1st and 4th Test Results and nailed the number of games that Fred played.

35 pts


Q from Well Pitched

Q also thought the Aussies would kick sand in the English eyes, but managed to get points for Man of the Series, Best Tosser, 4th Test Result, and McDonald and Lee being overlooked.

35 pts


Krish from...errr...the comments section

Perhaps we bloggers don't know it all? Naaah! Krish got points for Strauss, 4th and 5th Test Results, a single Innings Victory and McDonald. He lost 1 pt for being a little late to the party.

39 pts


Jrod from Cricket With Balls

Mr Balls accumulated his pts with a Strauss, a McDonald and a Lee, and the 1st and 4th Test Results. He lost out on joint 2nd place by being tardy and losing a point.

39 pts


Me from here

Darren showed remarkable foresight in choosing Strauss as the top England run getter. He also nailed the 1st and 4th Test Results, the single innings victory and the "points for jam" McDonald.

40 pts


Skroegerj from the comments section

Not content with stealing my victory, Skroegerj also tried to spoil the notion that if you write a blog you are an expert. He got Tosser, 1st and 5th Test Results and the Innings Victory. But what clinched it was not only predicting an England win, but getting the correct series result. What a bastard!

44 pts

Since the guys that actually take to the field in the Ashes only win this, Skroegerj's trophy will have to be viewed under a microscope.

Thanks to everyone that participated. It was a bit of a slap dash competition but we'll endeavour to make the Champs Trophy competition even better.

Congratulations England

The Ashes return to England, no doubt thanks to the South African triumvirate of Strauss-Trott-Prior, which means Australia are now the 4th best test team in the world.

Excuse me while I

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

Tomorrow - More thoughts, our prediction results and plenty of snark.

The ghosts remain

Geez, I tell Phil Hughes, "I bet you couldn't hit a cows arse with a banjo" and now the ICC has to get involved? Thanks a lot, Hansie.

Doctor Spin Presents: Paul Harris

Paul Harris is a left arm orthodox spinner. At the start of his test career he was roundly criticised by all and sundry, with Geoffrey Boycott famously calling him "roobish" on the 2008 tour of England. But his ability to hold up an end for long periods has earned him grudging respect from his opponents and cricket viewers. This reliability allowed Graeme Smith to rotate his strike bowlers at the other end. Although South Africa's bowling arsenal is dominated by the quickies, Harris is the spine of the bowling strategy in test matches between overs 35 and 79.

There's nothing flash about his run up at all. The only vaguely remarkable thing is that as a left arm spinner, he comes off a straight run up from around the wicket to right handers. Most lefties come through and around to RH batsmen. His grip for his stock delivery is conventional and as is the case for most SLA's, it's easily changeable in the gather to deliver an arm ball.

Harris never really extracts Hollywood turn from any surface. The angle of his delivery arm is closer to 45 degrees than next to his ear. This makes the seam travel through the air more along the X axis, resulting in the ball hitting the surface on the leather more often than the seam. Harris loses a lot of mechanical grip off the pitch because of that. He also loses the prospect of topspin (resulting in dip and bounce) and natural drift as a result.

But it ain't really broke, so he shouldn't fix it. What Harris does well is he sets up his gather from side-on, sharply rotating his hip at the point of delivery, resulting in a natural heavy rotation of the front foot.

Harris has found the optimal speed for his bowling over the last 12 months. He's slowed down by about 5kph since he came onto the scene. Consequently we are seeing him toss the ball up more often. This change in flight is very subtle, almost indiscernible, but very effective. His control of his variation is exceptional. The Aussies targeted him as the weak link in the bowling lineup and many of them were perished when they were well settled at the crease. There aren't many long hops or full tosses in a Paul Harris spell, resulting in batsmen having to manufacture boundary scoring opportunities. In test matches, a bowler would come out on top in this scenario more often than not.

Harris delivers the ball from very wide in the crease. He's not the biggest turner in the world, but getting closer to the stumps will result in the perception of more turn, because of a more wicket-to-wicket angle. This perception of more turn could create doubt in the mind of the batsman.

I would like to see him get closer to the stumps on occasion as another variation. If Harris wants to turn the ball more, I would have him learn to bowl through and around the wicket, and get his left arm closer to his ear to encourage more overspin. The rotation of his hips, together with the angle and momentum of his run up would result in more revolutions on the ball through the air. This remodeling would take about a year, and I don't think the juice is worth the squeeze.

Ashes Cricket Review (PC Game)

We don't really do reviews, so this will probably be a bit of a trainrape. Nevertheless, we'll do one anyway with lots of colourful language to paper over the chasmic cracks in our journalistic "technique".

Ashes Cricket is made by Codemasters, the guys who made Brian Lara International Cricket. BLIC is probably the most fun and playable cricket game ever made. so when the Codemasters logo pops up, they're off to a good start.

If you like your game intros to feature tricksy motion control shots, epilepsy-inducing editing, real footage seamlessly transitioning into rendered graphics, all set to a pumping Queens of the Stone Age track, then you'll LOVE the intro of Ashes Cricket. Beause there is no intro.

The interface is ok. The menus are easy to navigate.

The training mode is very useful, if erring on the side of the pedantic.

Once Darren and I learned the controls, we did a T20 match between SA and Pakistan. we batted first and got about 150 all out. Batting gives you a good degree of freedom as far as shot selection is concerned. If a ball is pitched on a length on middle stump, you can choose one of a vast array of shots, depending on the field set. It's the one cricket game that's captured the satisfaction of clipping one off the stumps through the legside. That shot in particular looks gorgeous, especially off the back foot.

When batting first, make hay while the sun shines. Those first 6 overs are the easiest to score off.

The wicket keepers are way too good. It's commonplace for a keeper to dive full length to first slip and take a spectacular one handed catch while standing up to the stumps.

There are a few other un-crickety things. When you edge a ball into the slip cordon, it loops up, as though you've just hit an overripe orange into the air with a giant red dildo.

Shots behind square on both sides of the wicket also tend to be few and far between. The AI leads you to playing in the V more often than not. You often find yourself rotating the strike with a full blooded cover drive to the sweeper, rather than a neat tickle down to third man.

Pakistan then went in to bat. We opened the bowling with Steyn and Ntini. A major bug seems to be specific to Makhaya Ntini. Sometimes he'll run in and clip the bail on the bowlers end with his hand. This leads to a reset, with Maccie going back to the top of his run up, no runs being scored off that ball, and only 5 balls remaining in the over. This has happened twice now.

The MAJOR concern with the bowling is that the makers of the game have deemed a ball pitched on the 4 meter mark to be the ideal length. Anything else is a poor delivery and the AI batsmen take full advantage. The problem is exacerbated by the fact that because of the depth perspective, a ball on an ideal length (as defined by Codemasters) looks like a half volley. This is very unsatisfactory.

In an ideal gaming world, the optimum length should be determined by pitch condition, ball condition, match situation, batsman on strike and, most importantly, the bowler himself. In the real world, Andrew Flintoff's optimum line and length is slightly shorter and more outside of off stump than Dale Steyn, who looks to pitch it slightly fuller and closer towards middle.

Apart from that, the catching system is a game within itself. You have to be ready though! It's based on the "what if" situation of Keanu Reeves and Morpheus playing cricket in the Matrix trilogy.

The big screw up is the AI's sense of judgement when it comes to running. In our game against India, we took 4 wickets. Every other batsman ran themselves out. This is easily fixable with a good patch, but what do I know? Maybe it's harder than jazz music.

Having lost in the semi-finals to India (we were South Africa. We don't do finals), we decided to play an Ashes test match. The main headache was trying to decide whether to be England or Australia. We went with England, who are mainly shit. To our delight, we discovered that Michael Vaughan is in the test match squad.

Now the main problem with test matches in computer games is that it takes huge amounts of concentration and patience to wait for the right scoring opportunity, whilst watchfully blocking or leaving dangerous deliveries. After 10 overs we were 22/1. It probably takes more discipline and mental application to leave a series of balls pitched in the corridor of uncertainty in the computer game context than it does in a real test match. So inevitably we went "fuck this" and started tonking Shane Watson to all parts of the field. Kevin Pietersen's clip off the legs looks truly stunning.

With our newfound gay abandon, we were dismissed for 277 after 40 overs. Australia, after starting well, were bowled out just after tea on day one for a paltry 175. We went in to bat again and made about 120. Australia were then bowled out after drinks in the first session of Day 2, 30 runs shy of victory. Day 3 ticket holders would've been annoyed.

Herein lies the problem. I defy anyone to play a test match in a cricket computer game that lasts 5 full days without engineering it that way. (International Cricket Captain doesn't count).

All in all, it's the best cricket game to come out since BLIC. We hope that Codemasters build on this, because while it may not be the best, it's on the right track.

There can be only one...other format

I thought it was interesting to see both Shane Warne and Shaun Pollock weighing in on the 50 Over vs 20 Over debate.

Shane reckons 50 over cricket has "passed its sell by date" and she "put a shotgun in its mouth, pull the trigger and paint the wall red, by crikey!"

While Pollock takes the stance that T20 is just a bit of fun and if you have a bad start there's not enough time to recover.

Personally, I'm stuck between the two. Right in the middle of a Pollock-Warne sandwich.

Sometimes I think that the 50 over game doesn't have a place anymore. It's not fun enough for Joe Spectator. It's not strategic enough for Jim Wisden. It just falls in no mans land.

But other times I feel like maybe its the best of both worlds? It's the middle ground between the two distinctly opposite forms. It's the gateway.

Besides, we can't drop the format without SA having never won the bloody thing. The only thing getting me up in the morning is the hope that one day SA will atone for the World Cup sins of the past.

Dale Steyn - drug addict

Some would point out that Dale Steyn has been cleared of any suspicion regarding the extra morphine found in his system during tests in the IPL.

What you don't know is that 6 months ago I was preparing for the most important cricket match of my life - a one vs one battle royale between myself and Roscoe, to take place in the leafy street outside my house. I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to hit Roscoe for quite as many sixes as I usually do, so I placed an ad online for coaching advice.

What I got instead was an email from Dale Steyn. He told me the secret to his success, and the potential solution for my problem, was morphine. Like a fool I was immediately suckered in to his dark world.

I met up with Dale in a really seedy part of the city, the parking area around the back of Blue Route Mall, and we exchanged money and drugs. And some bodily fluid - supposedly to seal the deal. I dunno, I'm not very "street". As soon as I got him I took my first hit and dreamed of the six hitting to come.

How did the game against Roscoe go? I got dizzy, flushed, confused and constipated so we had to go inside and play PES instead.

It's morphine for crying out loud, why is this a news story?!?!